December 3, 2016 It has been two years since I published the thoughts that follow. The anniversaries still come, the memories still bring a smile or a tear, the calendar continues to be a reminder of what once was, but it is also a tool to help plan what is to come. There have now …
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That first year, less than five months after he died, I could not even see their beauty. The second year their beauty haunted my dreams and stung like thistles. This year their beauty brings warm memories and a tear or two. You see we were married In Autumn, October 11th to be exact, right …
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This article originally appeared in “The Yoke, Quarterly Newsletter” Published online September 1st 2016 The first time that I knew someone who died was when I was about six years old… Grief is a fact of life; it is a byproduct of love and mortality. If you are in love with someone and that person …
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A quick list to highlight the tough stuff about grieving for those on the extroverted end of the spectrum You know grief is challenging your extroverted nature when; You are quiet or don’t make eye contact for more than 12 seconds and everyone around you is asking, “What’s wrong?” You desperately want to hang out with your friends, …
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A poem so true to my heart that if I had the eloquence to write as the author does I would feel truly gifted:
I need to talk about my loss.
I may often need to tell you what happened-
or to ask you why it happened.
Each time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself
face the reality of the death of my loved one.
I need to know that you care about me.
I need to feel your touch, our hugs.
I need you just to be with me.
(And I need to be with you.)
I need to know you believe in me and in my
ability to get through my grief in my own way.
(And in my own time.)
Please don’t judge me now-
or think I’m behaving strangely.
Remember i’m grieving.
I may even be in shock.
I may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt.
I’m experienceing a pain unlike any i’ve ever felt before.
Don’t worry if you think i’m getting better
and then suddenly seem to slip backward.
Grief makes me behave this way at times.
And please don’t tell me you “know how I feel,”
or that it’s time for me to get on with my life.
(I am probably already saying this to myself.)
What I need now is time to grieve and recover.
Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.
And remember, in the days or years ahead,
after your loss- when you need me
as I have needed you- I will understand.
And then I will come and be with you.
~Barbara Hills LesStrang
Taken from The Afterloss Credo
From the Book Afterloss by Barbara Hills LesStrang
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I promised you that there were more quotes to come and this very well known quote from Gilda Radner was right behind the Lou Austin quote from the other day. I have come to realize everything about this quote applies to my life but I am not quite sure I have found the deliciousness of …
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WHAT NOT TO SAY AND WHAT TO SAY TO A WIDOW OR WIDOWER AND WHY Christine J Baxter There is a learning curve that comes along with being a widow, and widowhood isn’t a course anyone willingly enrolls in. As a widow or a widower you quickly learn the phrases that hurt the most …
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Memories can be soothing reminders of happier times or painful yanks on our torn and tattered hearts. As the anniversary of Don’s death approaches so also come flooding back many of the happy memories of the days and events leading up to his death. It was a beautiful springtime and we were looking for a …
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