The First time this poem appeared on my Blog was in March of 2012 Three months after losing my Mother at the age of sixty seven to cancer. It is not my poem but I live these words as if I had written them as do millions of other people every day.
A poem so true to my heart that if I had the eloquence to write as the author does I would feel truly gifted:
I need to talk about my loss.
I may often need to tell you what happened-
or to ask you why it happened.
Each time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself
face the reality of the death of my loved one.
I need to know that you care about me.
I need to feel your touch, our hugs.
I need you just to be with me.
(And I need to be with you.)
I need to know you believe in me and in my
ability to get through my grief in my own way.
(And in my own time.)
Please don’t judge me now-
or think I’m behaving strangely.
Remember i’m grieving.
I may even be in shock.
I may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt.
I’m experienceing a pain unlike any i’ve ever felt before.
Don’t worry if you think i’m getting better
and then suddenly seem to slip backward.
Grief makes me behave this way at times.
And please don’t tell me you “know how I feel,”
or that it’s time for me to get on with my life.
(I am probably already saying this to myself.)
What I need now is time to grieve and recover.
Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.
And remember, in the days or years ahead,
after your loss- when you need me
as I have needed you- I will understand.
And then I will come and be with you.
~Barbara Hills LesStrang
Taken from The Afterloss Credo
From the Book Afterloss by Barbara Hills LesStrangby